RSS | Archive | Random

About

I am Dr. Zaius

On Twitter, I'm @Zaius13

email me at dr.zaius13 [then press on the "at" symbol button on your keyboard machine pad] gmail [the period or "dot" usually goes here] com

Following

6 February 10
This cat is a FUCKING JERK.
Kenobi has a new habit. He’s almost 15 and has spent most of his life outdoors. After refusing to use litter boxes for his entire life, he’s recently discovered how useful they are. Since all other cats stay inside when it rains, this asshole uses the opportunity to explore their territory, and he always comes home soaking wet. This past month he suddenly decided that no matter how wet he already is, he’d really rather come inside to relieve himself, which is easy because we have a cat door. If I don’t catch him and dry him off before he b-lines for the litter box, he packs his soaking wet paws with litter when he buries his business. Then (here’s the part where you decide maybe you don’t want a cat) he walks around shaking the loose litter from his paws and feet, spraying it all over the house. This isn’t quite gross enough, so he kicks it up a notch. See, the bits of litter that don’t shake off become wet clay, which he wipes on everything he touches. Within seconds, it dries and does not wipe off. So, now we have little cat foot prints made of clay and cat waste all over our hardwood floors, the couch, our new kitchen floor, and of course, when he decides he needs a lap to lay on, our clothes. I’ve had cats or lived in cat households most of my life, and this is a new one on me. So, given how beautiful his fur is, should I have him made into a stole, or a hat?

This cat is a FUCKING JERK.

Kenobi has a new habit. He’s almost 15 and has spent most of his life outdoors. After refusing to use litter boxes for his entire life, he’s recently discovered how useful they are. Since all other cats stay inside when it rains, this asshole uses the opportunity to explore their territory, and he always comes home soaking wet. This past month he suddenly decided that no matter how wet he already is, he’d really rather come inside to relieve himself, which is easy because we have a cat door. If I don’t catch him and dry him off before he b-lines for the litter box, he packs his soaking wet paws with litter when he buries his business. Then (here’s the part where you decide maybe you don’t want a cat) he walks around shaking the loose litter from his paws and feet, spraying it all over the house. This isn’t quite gross enough, so he kicks it up a notch. See, the bits of litter that don’t shake off become wet clay, which he wipes on everything he touches. Within seconds, it dries and does not wipe off. So, now we have little cat foot prints made of clay and cat waste all over our hardwood floors, the couch, our new kitchen floor, and of course, when he decides he needs a lap to lay on, our clothes. I’ve had cats or lived in cat households most of my life, and this is a new one on me. So, given how beautiful his fur is, should I have him made into a stole, or a hat?

5 February 10
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

Parliament - Flashlight

Ironically, Parliament’s most famous funky bass line was recorded after Bootsy Collins left the band. Some of the irony is undone by the fact that he co-wrote this song, but then super double irony takes effect because this bass line isn’t even played on a bass.

Tags: Funky Friday
4 February 10
Posted: 10:11 AM

Reblogged: beampath

3 February 10
GPOYW
Featured sandwich: Banh Mi

GPOYW

Featured sandwich: Banh Mi

2 February 10

I hadn't had a zero-star toot in over a year.

inthefade:

hurtling:

This morning? I had two.

I am on fire.

By which I mean my career as a Funny Person On Twitter has completely flamed out.

::shrugs::

I really hope favstar is broken. If not, I have seriously overestimated my ability to make people laugh (at me or with me, doesn’t really matter, laughter and stars are all the same when you’re a validation whore).

Yes, Favstar is broken. The most recent tweet is 9 hours old.

Ssshhhh. People are sleeping in New Zealand.

Reblogged: inthefade

1 February 10
guillee:

I thoroughly enjoyed this sculpture of baby Zaius13 sitting on Michael Jackson’s lap.

And I thoroughly enjoyed posing for it. Michael and I had been so rough on Bubbles the night before, I had to be his body double the next day. I’m not one to kiss and tell, but let’s just say Bubbles could handle a lot of bananas. Ah, to be young again.

guillee:

I thoroughly enjoyed this sculpture of baby Zaius13 sitting on Michael Jackson’s lap.

And I thoroughly enjoyed posing for it. Michael and I had been so rough on Bubbles the night before, I had to be his body double the next day. I’m not one to kiss and tell, but let’s just say Bubbles could handle a lot of bananas. Ah, to be young again.

Reblogged: guillee

29 January 10
Billy Mitchell is my power animal.

Billy Mitchell is my power animal.

Posted: 12:01 PM
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

Kool & the Gang - Funky Stuff

Tags: Funky Friday
28 January 10
(via portorock)
I’m glad somebody remembered the sexy Thursday thing.

(via portorock)

I’m glad somebody remembered the sexy Thursday thing.

Reblogged: portorock

Posted: 2:45 PM
thedza:

luckyshirt:

apethink:

The cast of “Tweet Potatoes”, coming to CBS this fall.
Happy Birthday Daniel! I got you the lead role in a new sitcom about a down-on-his-luck musician who inherits his father’s potato chip fortune, but can only keep it by taking care of his two very special step-brothers.

Oh man I hope this is real.

Oh man I hope it’s my birthday! It’s not but by the time it is I will be a super famous CBS TV star and everyday will be my birthday.

Sorry. It turns out the guy I talked to was really high. He thought we were talking about Daniel Baldwin (whose birthday isn’t until October, so wtf?). And it turns out Baldwin’s character is the slow guy and the step-brothers are twin ninjas played by Dave Chappelle and Conan O’Brien. That dumb stoner had the whole scenario all mixed up. Somebody needs to quit smoking weed with that guy.

thedza:

luckyshirt:

apethink:

The cast of “Tweet Potatoes”, coming to CBS this fall.

Happy Birthday Daniel! I got you the lead role in a new sitcom about a down-on-his-luck musician who inherits his father’s potato chip fortune, but can only keep it by taking care of his two very special step-brothers.

Oh man I hope this is real.

Oh man I hope it’s my birthday! It’s not but by the time it is I will be a super famous CBS TV star and everyday will be my birthday.

Sorry. It turns out the guy I talked to was really high. He thought we were talking about Daniel Baldwin (whose birthday isn’t until October, so wtf?). And it turns out Baldwin’s character is the slow guy and the step-brothers are twin ninjas played by Dave Chappelle and Conan O’Brien. That dumb stoner had the whole scenario all mixed up. Somebody needs to quit smoking weed with that guy.

Reblogged: thedza

27 January 10
The cast of “Tweet Potatoes”, coming to CBS this fall.
Happy Birthday Daniel! I got you the lead role in a new sitcom about a down-on-his-luck musician who inherits his father’s potato chip fortune, but can only keep it by taking care of his two very special step-brothers.

The cast of “Tweet Potatoes”, coming to CBS this fall.

Happy Birthday Daniel! I got you the lead role in a new sitcom about a down-on-his-luck musician who inherits his father’s potato chip fortune, but can only keep it by taking care of his two very special step-brothers.

Posted: 1:00 PM

Reblogged: eyeonspringfield

26 January 10

My favorite scene from Krull

TJ just pointed my attention to a review he wrote five years ago (yes, 2005 was FIVE YEARS AGO) regarding his disappointing experience with revisiting the film Krull for the first time in his adult life. Most of you would no doubt agree with him that this film is not worth watching in its entirety, so I’ve supplied this 90 second clip of my favorite scene.

In 1991, my best friend and I had both just turned 21 and were making cocktails at his parents’ house while they were away. His dad still had a working Betamax machine, and Krull was one of the only movies they still had for it. Neither of us had seen it since we were 13 and we actually enjoyed how bad it was. I don’t think our hopes were high for it, but thanks to the sounds of suffering the doppleganger makes as it perishes at the end of this scene, it became part of our personal mythology. We’ve made that noise a million times in the last 20 years, often in public.

In 2006, I made him a mixtape for his birthday, and had to rent Krull to get that sound. I watched the whole movie again and can only recall these few additional details: the bad guys were called slayers, an old man fights a giant spider and dies, there’s a guy who can change into animals, and that I still want my own Glave.

Also, cyclops. ·)

Tags: Krull
Posted: 2:04 PM
The signing ceremony.
I won’t promise that this is the last SFTU photo I’ll post here, but I will promise that you can see what Sween wrote on DieLaughing’s tit if you go to the SFTU flickr group page.

The signing ceremony.

I won’t promise that this is the last SFTU photo I’ll post here, but I will promise that you can see what Sween wrote on DieLaughing’s tit if you go to the SFTU flickr group page.

Tags: SFTU
Themed by Hunson. Originally by Josh