Caturday Couch Catatoes

Caturday Couch Catatoes

My favorite thing about cleaning up cat puke when I first wake up is knowing that it’s not even MY cat’s puke.

I miss Catdoor Stevens.

My favorite thing about cleaning up cat puke when I first wake up is knowing that it’s not even MY cat’s puke.

I miss Catdoor Stevens.

We were enjoying a rare visit from Maeby when Chinaco emerged from his nap in the roses and began approaching her. She whipped around, hissed, and bounded away. I had to pounce on him to keep him from chasing her. Now we know why she hardly comes around these days. Fukn jerk.

We were enjoying a rare visit from Maeby when Chinaco emerged from his nap in the roses and began approaching her. She whipped around, hissed, and bounded away. I had to pounce on him to keep him from chasing her. Now we know why she hardly comes around these days. Fukn jerk.

We went to the snow a few days ago and I summoned a small army of ice varmints to do my bidding. The bird, bunny, and fox were all helpful, but the bear told me to fuck right the hell off.

We went to the snow a few days ago and I summoned a small army of ice varmints to do my bidding. The bird, bunny, and fox were all helpful, but the bear told me to fuck right the hell off.

GPOYWAKW

I thought I had the perfect shot of this joey, but in that seemingly eternal fraction of a second between the time I snapped the photo and the time it was actually snapped, she leaned forward to sniff my phone. My wife happened to take a picture at the exact same moment.

lnthefade:

These are the new Ben & Jerry’s Core ice creams.
I bought the Karamel Sutra tonight. 
I’m not sure how to eat it. I mean, the thing I like about Ben & Jerry’s ice cream is the way they mash everything together to make one awesome flavor. So now I have to take some of the caramel and some of the fudge ice and some of the caramel ice cream and try to get it all in my mouth at the same time or I can just go ahead and dig through the middle layer and eat nothing but the sweet, sweet caramel. It just seems like a weird thing to do unless their core demographic (see what I did there) is people like me who like the toppings more than the ice cream. So now I have a pint of ice cream with a valley in the middle where I’ve eaten all the caramel.
This has been a post about how I ate my ice cream tonight. Hope you enjoyed.


Pardon my B&J geekery, but these are the new Core flavours in the UK (see what I did there?). The Core flavors in the US are Karamel Sutra (which was one of the original core flavors back around 2001 or so), plus this year’s four new ones: That’s My Jam, Salted Caramel, Peanut Butter Fudge, and Hazed & Confused.

Before I found them in the store, I read a review of Peanut Butter Fudge online that said it sucked. Specifically, the core sucks, which sounded insane to me, but alas, they were correct. B&J really fucked this one up. The peanut butter ice cream is delicious, but the core is practically toxic in comparison. Very weird. tsk tsk. Salted Caramel is good, but a bit subtle, and the danger of digging out the sweet salty core and having boring ice cream left behind is pretty high. That’s My Jam is kind of awesome, with raspberry and chocolate ice creams and a raspberry jam core. Again, you’ll likely dig the core out first. The one I was looking forward to most, and finally found yesterday was Hazed and Confused. Now that Nutella is taking off in the US, B&J finally brought hazelnut back into their ice cream pantheon. The core is kind of like Nutella, and as with most of the others, is the star of the show. The ice creams are chocolate (yawn) and hazelnut, or it at least purports to be. Could’ve been sweet cream or vanilla light as far as I could tell. The only hazelnut flavor I get is from the core. Very disappointed. I better buy them all again just to see if I missed something.

Then I have to fly to London to try those other ones.

lnthefade:

These are the new Ben & Jerry’s Core ice creams.

I bought the Karamel Sutra tonight. 

I’m not sure how to eat it. I mean, the thing I like about Ben & Jerry’s ice cream is the way they mash everything together to make one awesome flavor. So now I have to take some of the caramel and some of the fudge ice and some of the caramel ice cream and try to get it all in my mouth at the same time or I can just go ahead and dig through the middle layer and eat nothing but the sweet, sweet caramel. It just seems like a weird thing to do unless their core demographic (see what I did there) is people like me who like the toppings more than the ice cream. So now I have a pint of ice cream with a valley in the middle where I’ve eaten all the caramel.

This has been a post about how I ate my ice cream tonight. Hope you enjoyed.

Pardon my B&J geekery, but these are the new Core flavours in the UK (see what I did there?). The Core flavors in the US are Karamel Sutra (which was one of the original core flavors back around 2001 or so), plus this year’s four new ones: That’s My Jam, Salted Caramel, Peanut Butter Fudge, and Hazed & Confused.

Before I found them in the store, I read a review of Peanut Butter Fudge online that said it sucked. Specifically, the core sucks, which sounded insane to me, but alas, they were correct. B&J really fucked this one up. The peanut butter ice cream is delicious, but the core is practically toxic in comparison. Very weird. tsk tsk. Salted Caramel is good, but a bit subtle, and the danger of digging out the sweet salty core and having boring ice cream left behind is pretty high. That’s My Jam is kind of awesome, with raspberry and chocolate ice creams and a raspberry jam core. Again, you’ll likely dig the core out first. The one I was looking forward to most, and finally found yesterday was Hazed and Confused. Now that Nutella is taking off in the US, B&J finally brought hazelnut back into their ice cream pantheon. The core is kind of like Nutella, and as with most of the others, is the star of the show. The ice creams are chocolate (yawn) and hazelnut, or it at least purports to be. Could’ve been sweet cream or vanilla light as far as I could tell. The only hazelnut flavor I get is from the core. Very disappointed. I better buy them all again just to see if I missed something.

Then I have to fly to London to try those other ones.

Oh, and a ton of dicks.

Oh, and a ton of dicks.

On our way to the monkey forest, we stopped at a wood carving shop filled with amazing carvings. The four-faced heads were probably my favorite, but they also had monkeys, dolphins, and birds of all kinds. For those in want of graven images, there were several Buddhas, Ganeshas, Vishnus, and, for the Aussies and Americans, multiple Marys and Jesuses.

On our way to the monkey forest, we stopped at a wood carving shop filled with amazing carvings. The four-faced heads were probably my favorite, but they also had monkeys, dolphins, and birds of all kinds. For those in want of graven images, there were several Buddhas, Ganeshas, Vishnus, and, for the Aussies and Americans, multiple Marys and Jesuses.

A cat by any other name would smell ass sweat.

While we were on vacation, a neighbor up the street called to say she’d found Chinaco’s collar in her yard. My wife called her back and learned that she was Andy’s mom and that Andy’s real name is Fred. Chinaco had evidently battled with Fred in his own yard, as the collar was found near tufts of Chinaco’s fur. At least he’s trying.

Mrs. Fred also said that they see Weeby and Chinaco in their yard all the time. Her kids call them by the ridiculous names of Pumpkin and Pearl, despite them obviously looking more likely named Dr. Hank Chien and General Manuel González.

A cat by any other name would smell ass sweat.

While we were on vacation, a neighbor up the street called to say she’d found Chinaco’s collar in her yard. My wife called her back and learned that she was Andy’s mom and that Andy’s real name is Fred. Chinaco had evidently battled with Fred in his own yard, as the collar was found near tufts of Chinaco’s fur. At least he’s trying.

Mrs. Fred also said that they see Weeby and Chinaco in their yard all the time. Her kids call them by the ridiculous names of Pumpkin and Pearl, despite them obviously looking more likely named Dr. Hank Chien and General Manuel González.

GPOYW - Monkey Forest edition

This is as close as I would get to a monkey sodomizing a stone bull.

GPOYW - Monkey Forest edition

This is as close as I would get to a monkey sodomizing a stone bull.

My first trip across the equator

My wife’s brother moved to Australia a couple of years ago, so we recently paid him a visit. Sydney?, you ask. LOLno, I respond. It’s a town called Esperance on the south coast of Western Australia, about an eight hour drive from Perth. Thankfully, we had a tiny plane take us there.

We did everything there is to do there: drove miles and miles of insanely beautiful and inexplicably vacant beaches, hung out with kangaroos, took a boat to some of the hundreds of islands off the coast, where the endangered Australian sea lions live, and visited a Stonehenge replica, which was erected in 2011, too late for the Spinal Tap tour.

That was literally all there was to do there, so next we flew to Bali, Indonesia to do some diving, of which I got exactly zero pictures. We stayed in a tiny town called Candidasa in a resort crawling with geckos. The first day we drove north to Tulamben, passing rice paddies and villagers carrying crazy amounts of random shit on their heads. We dove to the USS Liberty, which was torpedoed by the Japanese in 1942 and stayed beached in Tulamben for over two decades. In 1963, nearby Mount Agung erupted, and the resulting tremors and flow pushed the ship back into the ocean, where it sunk about 100 yards out. There we saw all manner of tropical fish, giant clams, a colorful mantis shrimp, and a busy sea turtle who didn’t give a fuck about all the gawking humans.

The next day we did drift diving in Padang Bai, and saw the kind of wacky shit you see in nature documentaries: stingrays, lionfish, batfish, cuttlefish, a moray eel, more shrimp, a stonefish, and the most enormous butterflyfish we’d ever seen. The dive shop’s driver had to go back to Denpasar, so we hitched a ride and he took us to Gua Lawah, a hindu temple built around a bat cave. You can walk up to the mouth of the bat cave (but not into it) and see that the roof of the cave is black with bats. Hundreds of them. There was also a python sleeping in a crevice nearby, barely visible by eye and invisible to camera. From there, we drove to Ubud, where the main attraction was located. Monkey forest. You hear me? Monkey fucking forest! Macaques roam free, hassling tourists for treats even though they’re fed plenty by the park. Most of them ignore humans, but some will come over and start digging through your pockets. I wanted to stay there, like, forever among my own kind, but we decided to go downtown and get wasted instead, which was an excellent end to a fantastic trip.

I woke up to screaming this morning. The 2014 hunting season has officially begun.

I woke up to screaming this morning. The 2014 hunting season has officially begun.

The Return of Andy

And the cat came back, the very 103rd day later.

The Return of Andy

And the cat came back, the very 103rd day later.

"Mornin’, Sam"
“Mornin’, Ralph”

"Mornin’, Sam"
“Mornin’, Ralph”