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I am Dr. Zaius

On Twitter, I'm @Zaius13

email me at dr.zaius13 [then press on the "at" symbol button on your keyboard machine pad] gmail [the period or "dot" usually goes here] com

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20 November 09

Good Times

It’s Friday night, and being hardcore, I’m doing some laundry. Actually, I’m doing all kinds of shit, and it suddenly occurred to me that I had to pick up my laundry at the laundromat. I jumped into my car, turned on the iPod, and hit shuffle. Something fast and heavy came on, providing a great soundtrack as I raced to the ‘mat with caffeine fueled fervor, as though some street urchin might use my drier as a urinal before I get there. The song’s long fade out ended just as I was pulling into the parking lot, and suddenly the TV theme “Good Times” came on. As I pulled into my parking place, blasting “Good Times”, the usually somber and morose old woman who runs the ‘mat was standing just outside the door, looking right at me, smiling and dancing along to the music.

Ain’t we lucky we got ‘em.

Posted: 5:29 PM
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

James Brown - Super Bad

Going to the foundations for Funky Friday today. Featuring a young Bootsy Collins.

18 November 09
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Doctor Nerve - Nothing You Can Do Hurt Me

A band from New York who released their debut album in 1984, featuring this gem which fuses three chord punk and odd time prog rock in a battle of antithetical genres matched only by advents in goth yodeling and bluegrass crunk.

13 November 09
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Brothers Johnson - Get the Funk Out Ma Face

Funky Friday the 13th.

11 November 09
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War - Cisco Kid

This is the only War I can get behind.

Posted: 2:37 PM

Veteran's Day

In 1970, my future brothers-in-law became old enough to be drafted to fight an increasingly unpopular war. One of them jumped into a van with his brother and some friends and drove south to live in Mexico until the war was over. They lived the fun-lovin’ hippie life of being beaten by Mexican authorities, having injuries with no adequate medical care, and being stranded with a broken vehicle in the middle of a desert where they may have died were it not for the help of an indian tribe who took them in. My other brother-in-law enlisted and after training, was stationed in that Vietnamese hell-hole known as Hawaii. He endured the rigors of war such as volleyball, diving, and pina coladas. After two years, he was sent home with money for college, but to this day he’s so encumbered with his traumatic experiences he still can’t eat bananas.

6 November 09
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Parliament - Ride On

Don’t think for a second that I forgot it’s Funky Friday. Because I didn’t.

Posted: 2:00 PM

The Wet Purr

I know it sounds sexy, but before you apply your tongue-moistened fingertips to your stiffening nipples, know that ‘wet purr’ is not a pleasant thing. A few times a week, between 4am and 5am, my cat vomits. After my awesome beautiful superhero wife gets up and cleans it up, the cat jumps on the bed, climbs on top of me and purrs. But it isn’t a normal purr. There’s a drippy, dank quality to it, and it is accompanied by the occasional gulp or hiccup. And he’s apparently most comfortable doing this when his muzzle is within an inch or two of my face. I try not to sleep with my mouth open.

4 November 09
I’m Dancin’, I’m Dancin’!

I’m Dancin’, I’m Dancin’!

Posted: 3:31 PM
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Beastie Boys - Flute Loop

2 November 09
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King Crimson - Indiscipline

This song is for everyone who ‘accidentally’ bought more halloween candy than they needed and spent yesterday ‘suffering’ the consequences.

I wish you were here to see it!!

1 November 09
Apethink limited edition hand-crafted jack o’ lanterns for 2009:
Tortured Soul™ and Delighted Imp™.

Apethink limited edition hand-crafted jack o’ lanterns for 2009:

Tortured Soul™ and Delighted Imp™.

31 October 09
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Winchell’s Donuts - Halloween record.

Back in the ’70s, Winchell’s sold a Halloween record for kids, pressed on a clear flexi-disc. This record really scared five year old me, and when I found it recently, I had to digitize it. It’s only 7 minutes long, so I added John Carpenter’s Halloween theme at the end.

Listen at your own risk. If you end up shitting your pants, or even just sharting, I am not responsible for your laundry bill. Well, I am, but I’m not paying for it.

Posted: 9:50 PM
Things wot I bought today.
There are a number of things I love this time of year. The four ‘P’s - Pumpkins, Pomegranate, Persimmon, & Pear. Beer and candy are always good, but the festive twist today makes ‘em feel ‘special’. However, the thing I love most this time of year is Xmas. That’s right, Xmas. And the fact that I found egg nog today, already, means it’s gonna be a good season.
I love Xmas so much, I told the wife we have to start watching Xmas movies every week starting NOW, before it’s too late to fit them all in. So tonight we’re watching “The Nightmare Before Christmas”, just to fit the holiday. And I swear, if any fucking kids come knocking at my door, interrupting the movie and asking for candy, there will be hell to pay. By ‘hell’ I mean egg nog and by ‘pay’ I mean guzzle.

Things wot I bought today.

There are a number of things I love this time of year. The four ‘P’s - Pumpkins, Pomegranate, Persimmon, & Pear. Beer and candy are always good, but the festive twist today makes ‘em feel ‘special’. However, the thing I love most this time of year is Xmas. That’s right, Xmas. And the fact that I found egg nog today, already, means it’s gonna be a good season.

I love Xmas so much, I told the wife we have to start watching Xmas movies every week starting NOW, before it’s too late to fit them all in. So tonight we’re watching “The Nightmare Before Christmas”, just to fit the holiday. And I swear, if any fucking kids come knocking at my door, interrupting the movie and asking for candy, there will be hell to pay. By ‘hell’ I mean egg nog and by ‘pay’ I mean guzzle.

30 October 09
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

Funkadelic - Get Off Your Ass and Jam

Here are the lyrics, so you can sing along:

Shit. Goddamn. Get Off Your Ass and Jam (repeat)

Themed by Hunson. Originally by Josh